I want to have a real and honest conversation about something that many women find confusing whilst men rarely discuss or even think about “it” in this way.

And that is The Hypocrisy of the Screen vs. Reality when it comes to threesomes.
99% of the men I know refuse to have threesomes that involve two men and one woman. Always preferring the two women and one man scenario.

Often refusing to even entertain the idea of another man naked in the room with them, 

yet…these same men will spend hours watching adult content (p-0-rn) where another man is naked, front and center, “doing” to a woman what they would actually rather be doing themselves.

So they will watch it on a screen, yet not have it in real life.

Why does questioning this confusion matter? Because of the dissonance it creates. On one hand, there’s the consumption of scenarios that men wouldn’t be caught dead participating in and on the other hand, this very consumption reinforces subconscious beliefs about inadequacy, competition, and shame.

The Shame Cycle of Masturbation and Pornography: How It Impacts Men’s Relationships with Women
Here’s where the fallout begins:

1. Eroded Confidence
   Watching pornography re-enforces and amplifies feelings of comparison. Men see exaggerated and scripted “performances” that do not depict real life scenarios and then start doubting their own abilities based on these false scenes. They compare themselves  physically, emotionally, or sexually and note how they do not measure up. This self-doubt can lead to hesitation and even the inability to interact with women. The fear of "not being enough" becomes a barrier to authentic connection as well as the belief they have to act out what was on the screen, whi9hc most women despise and shut down.

1. Difficulty Being Present
   Pornography conditions the brain for quick, adolescent based transactional and disconnected pleasure. It is not just that real relationships require presence and emotional depth. A woman's sexual response is the total opposite to a mans. Pornography depicts a man's sexual response and his arrogant belief that he can just have and take it without considering the actual person he is engaging with.When a man is used to getting aroused by acted scenes on a screen, it becomes incredibly challenging to slow down and tune into the subtle, real-world dynamics of intimacy with a partner.

1. Unrealistic Expectations
   The curated, often degrading portrayals in pornography  warps many men's expectations of women where they unconsciously start to expect their partners or lovers to act like the performers they’ve watched. This not only pressures women to “either put up” and then often have to either fake their orgasms or even believe there is something wrong with them,  but also leads to an immense amount of dissatisfaction when reality doesn’t match up to the one sided fantasy.

1. Shame and Emotional Walls
   Consuming pornography in secrecy fosters shame. That shame can manifest as withdrawal or defensiveness, creating emotional distance in relationships. Unfortunately and sadly so, many men find it hard to communicate openly about their true desires or their insecurities which only fosters an environment that leaves their partners feeling shut out and disconnected. 

The Social Fallout
Men stuck in this cycle often find themselves unable to fully connect with women beyond the surface level. Conversations feel forced, compliments lack authenticity, and attempts at flirting might come across as performative rather than genuine. This one dimensional digital age has created a mass population of men that seem to only grunt “hey” when addressing or reaching out to a woman ( check any woman's inbox on dating sites… )

Pornography doesn’t teach men how to engage with women—it teaches them how to objectify and assume they can have what they want from women. And that disconnection is palpable in every interaction, whether it’s a date, social situations out in public, men passing women in the streets or coffee line ups or a long-term partnership.

Breaking the cycle

The first step in breaking this cycle is recognizing the hypocrisy and the harm it causes. Watching a man on a screen while refusing to confront your discomfort with male presence in real life points to deeper insecurities. It’s not just about the act of watching—it’s about how it reflects unresolved feelings of inadequacy, fear, or shame.

Another underlying hypocrisy is that many men say that it is different for women to be naked with another woman. This line of thinking is not only a dismissal type bullying tactic towards women and their thoughts and feelings but it is also a diversion that allows a man to shy away from him doing the internal work on himself in truly questioning such sexist thinking.

Here are some tips on how to rebuild confidence and authenticity in relating to women:

• Cultivate Presence: Practice being fully present with yourself and others. This means putting down the screen and cultivating courage to  engage with real-life interactions, however imperfect they might feel. Slowing down when you are in the company of women and breathing more deeply and  slowly when around others.
• Redefine Intimacy: Understand that true intimacy isn’t about performance; it’s about connection that involves transparency, vulnerability and honesty. Get curious about your own desires and explore them in a way that’s aligned with respect and authenticity of yourself and others involved.
• Open Communication: Start having honest conversations that involve radical honesty—whether with a coach, a trusted friend, or your partner—about your feelings, fears, and fantasies. Vulnerability is the antidote to shame. Vulnerability is what courageous and strength building people do. Vulnerability creates connection.

Ultimately, this isn’t about vilifying masturbation at all. It is how you masturbate that is important. It’s about noticing where pornography and limiting beliefs have taken control of your confidence, your beliefs about women, and your ability to relate. As a man you deserve to feel powerful, connected, and grounded in your relationships—with yourself and with others. But that journey starts with stepping out of the shame cycle and into your truth.

If you are wanting to hack the way you masturbate so it builds power in your body instead of depleting your energy and you want to be able to last as long as you choose where you know you have ejaculation choice, I have a few options for you.

( Real footage of a man standing in the result of his woman gushing after he no longer watches porn and learns how to last as long as she needs :) )

You can purchase my short yet powerful program  “Man in Control” and get started today on training your arousal response.

"Man in Control: Freedom Through Mastery" is a powerful, no-nonsense guide designed to help you master your sexual energy, develop unshakable confidence, and achieve new levels of personal and professional success.

This course dives deep into the Four Pillars of Sacred Sexuality—Attention, Breath, Movement, and Sound—showing you how these essential practices can enhance not just your sexual performance but every aspect of your life.

Or if you are ready to take your sex life, your life satisfaction and your relationship to the next level, then let's see if we would be a good fit to work together in a 1:1 coaching container over 4 or 6 months.

Book your discovery call here and let's chat about what is possible.

Oh and…. If you can articulate in a respectful way can you please share with me ( and all of my female friends frustrated at this scenario ) why will men watch another man naked on a screen but not stand in a room with another naked man and a naked woman creating an incredible and deeply satisfying experience?

Always with Pleasure

M

❤️

Meet Melissa Louise: Empowering Sacred Sexuality, Intimacy, and Connection

Melissa Louise is a dynamic and passionate sacred sexuality and intimacy coach, dedicated to helping individuals and couples reconnect with their divine power, truth, and pleasure. With a vibrant approach that blends humour, authenticity, and wisdom, Melissa offers transformative experiences and life changing coaching supporting people to embrace their most empowered, connected selves.

As a certified Erotic Blueprint coach, intimacy expert, and creator of programs like The Feminine Pulse and Man Activated, Melissa is renowned for her ability to guide clients through the deeper layers of intimacy, boundaries, and self-awareness. Her work is rooted in the belief that true freedom comes from reclaiming our bodies, rewriting societal narratives about sexuality, and deepening our connection to ourselves and others.

Currently living in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, Melissa splits her time between creating content, connecting with clients, curating rewilding retreats and jungle adventures. She is passionate about raising awareness of the importance of fresh water, rewilding, and authentic conversations about sexuality and relationships.

Melissa’s work has a unique ability to balance playful energy with deep truths, making her a sought-after speaker, podcast guest, and teacher. She is known for creating safe and inviting spaces where people can explore vulnerability, empowerment, and joy in their sexuality and lives.

If you're looking to awaken your sensuality, transform your relationship, or discover the power of sacred sexuality, Melissa Louise is here to guide you with passion, expertise, and love.